


I Heard Someone Crying

by funnygirlthatbelle13



Series: Helpless [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Broken nose, Cuddling, F/M, Forehead Kisses, Late night talks, Nightmares, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:48:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22854235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funnygirlthatbelle13/pseuds/funnygirlthatbelle13
Summary: Caleb is up late and hears someone in the Xhorhouse crying. He finds Jester after a nightmare, and they do their best to navigate their feelings in general and for each other.Reading the rest of the Helpless series not required to understand what’s going on, but references are made.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre & Caleb Widogast, Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Series: Helpless [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1636885
Comments: 43
Kudos: 236





	I Heard Someone Crying

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So for starters, I wanted to that everybody who commented on Busted telling me that they’d like to see this series continue. I have a decent idea of where it’s gonna go, and I can’t wait to bring you all along for the ride! If you haven’t read any of the other fics in the Helpless series, don’t worry! They’re pretty self-contained so far. Basically, Jester realized that she has a crush on Caleb and has been seeking him out for cuddles on occasion, and Caleb is in love with her but refuses to act on it.

Caleb placed his book down on the library table and stretched. It was late, late enough that his eyes were starting to droop involuntarily. He needed sleep, and he knew that, but a tickle at the back of his mind seemed to warn him that any attempt at resting would not go well tonight. It would be fine. He had stayed awake for longer than this plenty of times. They had no plans for the next day, certainly nothing that would require his more complicated spells. It would be fine.

Perhaps some tea would be nice, though.

He left the library, not particularly concerned about being loud, as no one else slept on this level of the Xhorhouse. But that only made it worse when he heard something.

Caleb froze dead in his tracks, eyes darting around for any clues. Then, he heard it again: a soft, whimpering sort of noise.

Someone was crying.

With a dexterity he didn’t know he possessed, he snuck up to the second floor, sneaking directly past a slumbering Caduceus and into the hallway. He made his way to the first door, to Fjord’s, and pressed his ear against it. Nothing. He walked to Beauregard and Jester’s room.

What had sounded like a whimper downstairs was now clearly full-blown crying.

“Beauregard,” he whispered, “Jester? Beauregard?”

He knocked on the door, hoping that whoever was crying was awake.

There was a moment of silence before the door swung open. And there was Jester, pink ruffly nightgown and all. Her eyes were bloodshot, and he could see bags under her eyes starting to form.

“Cay-leb?” she asked quietly, “What’s going on?”

“I heard someone crying,” he mumbled, not looking her in the eye, “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Oh, no, everything’s fine! I’m totally cool, Caleb!” she said far too brightly.

Caleb frowned. Jester was an incredible woman, brighter and more resilient than anyone he’d ever met, but even she had her limits.

“Jester…” he trailed off. He wanted to be comforting, to get her to talk about what was bothering her, to fix it, and to make her smile. But no, if he confronted her directly, she would clam up immediately. “I was going to make some tea. Would you like some?”

She nodded, mumbling confirmation as she sniffled. He pretended not to notice and walked downstairs, forcing himself not to look back. Instead, he went downstairs and began making tea, doing his best to ignore the way his heart was pounding in his chest.

He was not oblivious to his feelings towards the little blue tiefling. In fact, he was very aware of how his heart betrayed him. He was fire, and fire burned anyone who got too close. And oh, how he longed to be close to her.

Slowly, carefully, he brought Caduceus’ spare tea set up the stairs, lavender and lemon tea brewing in the pot as he made his way back up to the girls’ room.

****

As soon as Caleb left, Jester grabbed her dressing gown, a lacy green thing she’d taken from her mother’s closet, and wrapped it tightly around herself. Was it hot in here? She felt hot. She took the few steps to the balcony door and peered out. Empty. She glanced back at Beau, who was still fast asleep, a small trail of drool at the corner of her mouth. Jester opened the door to the balcony, careful to be as quiet as she could, breathing a sigh of relief as the cool night air washed over her. She closed her eyes, trying to push down the panic and sorrow that had been rising in her chest all night.

She heard Caleb’s slow, deliberate footsteps as he approached. He was carrying Caduceus’ spare tea set, an old blue china set with pink roses that they’d got for him at a pawn shop.

“It is… beautiful out here, ja?” he mumbled.

It really was. Rosohna always looked wonderful with its green and blue lights and all its elegant architecture. But tonight, it looked especially beautiful. The sky was swirled with black and blues, and stars glistened through the night.

“Ja,” she whispered weakly.

Caleb knelt down, carefully placing every piece of the tea set down as if it had a designated place. As soon as he put the sugar bowl down, he began pouring.

“This, uh, this blend is very good,” he said, handing her a cup on a saucer.

She took a sip and was surprised by the flavor. It was something bright and floral that reminded her of a lavender lemonade Bluud had bought her once.

“Ja,” she mumbled, staring into the cup.

“Caduceus has made this one for me before when I have,” Caleb paused, and she chanced a look. He was staring not at her but out into the city. “...struggled through the night.”

Jester was very well aware of Caleb’s struggles, as he called them. When they had all first started traveling together, it had taken her a long time to adjust to the way Caleb’s past haunted him at night. The tossing and turning, and hell, even the whimpering hadn’t been too bad. Lots of people were restless, and the whimpers were quieter than Beau’s snoring. But the crying and the talking… she had never thought she’d get used to being on watch and hearing him sob or call out in a language only he understood, knowing that there was nothing she could do to help him.

Things had gotten better. Caleb’s nights got gentler the longer they traveled, to the point that now she only ever heard him after a particularly rough day, though it still broke her heart to think that even while asleep, he couldn’t escape from his past. But she could sleep through it now if need be, and then she’d be sure to be extra smiley in the morning.

Caleb coughed, and she shot up to look at him. He was staring intently at her, not judgemental but simply watching her.

“You know,” he said, “I have been told that talking about these things can be helpful.”

“Does it?” she asked quietly, hating how quiet and weak her voice sounded. He leaned in close, an intense expression on his face.

“I don’t know. I have never tried it.”

It probably wasn’t a good thing to be laughing at, but between Caleb’s deadpan delivery and the tension she was feeling, she couldn’t stop herself from giggling. Caleb didn’t quite smile, but the twinkle in his eyes assured her that it was okay.

“But,” he added sincerely after she had finished laughing, “It has taken me a long time to make the little progress I have made. You might be able to skip a decade or so of pain.”

She smiled sadly at him. It wasn’t an attempt at humor, as his more forward moments of discussing trauma often were. He was simply stating a fact.

“You have gotten a lot better, Caleb,” she said, ignoring his invitation to talk about her own feelings. Hers were unfamiliar territory. His, as depressing as they often were, were at least a devil they knew.

“Ja, I don’t smell bad at all anymore,” Caleb deadpanned, breaking with a small smile at the very end. They both began to laugh harder than the joke really called for, causing her to snort.

A deep, guttural noise caused them both to freeze.

‘Beau,’ she mouthed, and he nodded, moving to close the door. Jester stared, enamoured by the way the moonlight filtered through his orange hair. It looked like a glowing fire in this light. His already pale skin looked as though it was made of porcelain, making his already handsome features look practically ethereal. He looked wonderful. He was wonderful. And she was making him worry.

“Cay-leb,” she whispered, “Do you ever have nightmares?”

Of course he does. They were literally just talking about it. Gods, that was such a stupid thing to say. Caleb glanced at her quizzically, an eyebrow raised, but said nothing for a moment.

“Less than I used to but… ja.”

“What’s, like, the worst nightmare you ever had?”

She had no idea where that had come from- well, that wasn’t entirely true- but now it was out in the open and it was too late to take it back.

“Oh,” he mumbled, staring out into the city with wide eyes. Oh no. She was losing him.

“No, no, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it it’s totally cool,” she assured him rapidly. Talking to Caleb was good; she didn’t want to lose him to himself because of a stupid question.

He sighed deeply, sitting back down across from her and taking a large swig of tea before speaking.

“Well, there was one I had a lot about… the man in Rexxentrum finding me, finding all of us, and what he would do… t-to break you all.”

A chill ran down her spine as she imagined Trent Ikithon getting a hold of them. Just being in the same room as him when they visited the Sanatorium had been bad enough. But actually being under his control?

“What would he do?” she asked. Did she really want to know?

“It was different every time,” he mumbled, inhaling deeply like he sometimes did when he was trying not to cry.

“It’s okay, Caleb,” she assured him, “You don’t have to tell me any more.”

”Danke, blueberry,” he mumbled, wiping his nose on his jacket sleeve. He looked up, and though his mouth was smiling, it didn’t reach his eyes. It didn’t take a genius to know what he was thinking of, and she knew how his mind works. He was picturing every way his imagination had forced him to picture them all getting hurt.

A shiver ran down her spine imagining what Trent must have done to make his imagination so vivid. She wrapped her dressing gown around herself more tightly.

“Well, now mine seems stupid in comparison,” she mumbled.

“I highly doubt that,” he said. His expression was as intense as it was sincere.

She took a deep breath.

“Okay, so we arrived in Nicodranas. And we get back to the Lavish Chateau and Luc and Yeza and my momma and Bluud are all tied up and Ikithon and Astrid and the blue dragon are torturing them but it’s not even for information. It's just for fun and revenge, I guess. So obviously we tried to rescue them, but the dragon electrocuted everybody so we were pretty weak. And then they cast some sort of spell that froze everybody in these weird green bubbles. And then Astrid and Ikithon teleport away with all of you and then it was just me and the dragon and I didn’t know what to do and he ate me,” she took a deep breath. Had she really not breathed that entire time? It had been so many words, and yet, they had failed to capture the images that were still floating on the edge of her consciousness.

“Oh, Jester,” he whispered. He was staring at her with a sad look. Was it pity? Oh gods, she couldn’t handle this. She was going to cry.

“And it’s so stupid and it doesn’t make any sense but it felt so real,” she continued, trying to suppress the tears that were threatening to come out at any moment, “I woke up and it was like this all felt like a trap or something, you know?”

Caleb sighed.

“Ja, there are many times where I have woken up and been confused why I was not in a-a straightjacket or with crystals in my arms-“

“Or in flames?” she said, wincing as it came out.

“Ja, that too,” he mumbled.

There was silence, and then, he scooched closer to her.

“I am sorry that the fight against the dragon went the way it did. I know it’s been a long time but… I’m sorry,” he said.

“No, it’s okay,” she muttered, sniffling slightly.

Caleb didn’t say a word, but frowned, pouring them each another cup of tea.

“Jester,” he said in a careful, measured voice, “You know you do not have to be always happy, ja? You can be sad or scared or angry.”

She wanted to laugh and shake it off, to tell him that of course she knew that. But something about the exhaustion she was feeling and the intense sincerity with which Caleb was watching her made her carefully constructed facade of okay-ness crumble.

“Ja?” she asked, staring up at him, her voice cracking just a bit.

“Ja.”

Sniffling, Caleb adjusted himself so they were sitting across from each other. He put his hands up like Fjord would when he and Beau trained on the road.

“Come on, muscles. I can take it,” he assured her.

She eyed him warily, but he just kept waiting. Carefully, she tapped her fist on his hand.

Nothing.

“I hate that no one trusts the Traveler.”

_Pop!_

“I hate that everybody teases me for being a bad cleric.”

_Pop!_

Tears began rolling down her cheeks.

“I hate that I have to worry about pissing off fucking King Dwendal.”

_Pop!_

“I hate that everybody left when we fought that dragon.”

_Pop!_

“I hate that I didn’t get to grow up like everybody else.”

_Pop!_

“I hate that-“ her aim was off, and she hit Caleb directly in the face, making a horrible cracking sound.

“Oh no, Caleb, I’m so sorry!!!!!!” she cried, placing a hand on each of his cheeks.

“Oh boy, that was a lot of anger there,” he said breathlessly, eyes wide before grinning, “It felt pretty good, huh?”

It had been, until she’d broken Caleb’s fucking nose. But he was smiling, and something about that was infectious.

“That's a lot of blood, Caleb,” she muttered, beginning to cast a healing spell.

“I have plenty,” he assured her. She frowned as she pulled away from him. Caleb’s face was still covered in his own blood, but he was all healed up and smiling.

She took another sip of her tea and felt the stress and anger she’d been feeling for a few days seemed to melt away, leaving her sleepy and content with just a hint of melancholy. She scooched closer to Caleb so that they were sitting directly next to each other.

“Thank you, Caleb,” she whispered.

“Of course, blueberry,” he whispered back, reaching his hand out towards her. She wiggled her way between his arm and body so his arm was wrapped around her.

Jester pressed her eyes closed, inhaling that wonderful, warm Caleb smell that made her heart race.

“Caleb?”

“Jester.”

“What was it like living with both of your parents?” she asked, her voice extremely quiet.

“Oh well… I didn’t? Not for most of my childhood, anyways,” he took a pause to take a sip of his tea, “My father… Vater was part of the Righteous Brand until I was eight. So there were a lot of times when it was just me and Mutter on the farm.”

Jester realized, a little sadly, that this was the first time she had heard Caleb talk about his parents since the time they had experimented with the beacon. They weren’t around anymore; she was pretty sure of that much. How long had it been since he had last seen them? What were they like? A million questions raced through her head about his past that she’d never considered before.

“Was that hard?” she eventually settled on. The past was hard for all of them, but especially Caleb, and he would clam up immediately if she asked him anything too serious right away. And that was the last thing she wanted. What she wanted, Jester realized, was to sit by his side til morning, learning all of the little things she had never thought to ask before.

“Ja, but hard is not,” he coughed, and Jester could see that his sparkling blue eyes were glistening, “Blumenthal is full of people who’ve lived hard lives, so it was not unusual.”

Jester tried to imagine what a town like that must have been like. Really, she knew very little about Caleb’s home town, so she was just sort of picturing Felderwin but with the people speaking Zemnian.

“Were you happy?” she asked. Maybe it was just her imagination failing her, but she couldn’t picture anyone having a happy childhood in a town like that.

Caleb turned to look at her, a small smile on his face that didn’t match the sadness in his eyes.

“Ja,” he said, nodding gently, “It was hard work but we had each other. And the world was our erster.”

“Erster?” she repeated.

“Ja, the fancy clam with the pearl inside.”

Ah.

“An oyster?”

Caleb’s shoulders slumped as he began laughing. It was a wheezy sort of thing, the type of laugh from when he was truly surprised.

“That’s the word!” he said through his laughter.

They continued to laugh for a few more seconds before composing themselves. Caleb took a deep breath that she could feel from sitting next to him.

“Not all of us lived by the sea, you know,” he said with a smirk.

“Did you guys have a lake or anything?” Jester asked, vaguely remembering some comment about him never seeing a lake before back when they were all just getting to know each other. But that was when none of them were really telling the truth back then.

“Nein,” Caleb muttered, “But we had a-a river running through the valley.”

She settled in closer to him, resting her head against his side.

“Did you guys go ice skating?” she asked with a yawn. That tea must have been better for relaxation than she’d realized. For his part, Caleb was delicately tracing shapes along her arm.

“Some people did, but, uh, we could not afford skates. But sometimes during the summer, we would dive for clay and then using it to sculpt a slide into the cliff. And we would pour water on it to keep it soft and we would slide down it for hours.”

There was a soft smile on his face, and Jester recognized the bittersweet sense of nostalgia he wore on his face. Caleb was always extremely handsome, especially now that he was taking care of himself, but tonight, he looked absolutely magnificent.

She yawned again, feeling her eyes drooping as she studied Caleb’s features in this light.

“That’s… won...der...ful,” she mumbled as sleep overtook her.

****

Ah, there she went. Finally, Jester was asleep. Good, she needed her rest. Caleb smiled down at her, watching as she somehow managed to snuggle in closer to him.

This kept happening. Could it mean… no, of course not. The first time, she’d fallen asleep as a cat. That hadn’t been her. And then last week, she had passed out after helping him with his injuries. Caduceus had said so. No, there was nothing more going on here. It was foolish to even imagine a world where Jester felt about him the way he felt about her. And even if she did have the misfortune of developing a crush on him, it would be over the instant she found out what he had done.

But still, he had done something right by her. He’d been able to bring her comfort, to make her smile. And that was far, far more than he deserved.

Gods, she really was as pretty as a princess, he thought. The light of Rosohna made her skin glow like a sapphire in the sun or the sparkling waters of Nicodranas.

A yawn came over him, and Caleb realized that he only had a few minutes before exhaustion overtook him. Caduceus’ tea must have done a better job relaxing him than he’d expected. Or perhaps, that was just what being around Jester did to him. Either way, he should definitely get them both into a less awkward position if they were going to be here all night.

Holding Jester close, he slowly laid down so as not to jostle her. She fidgeted for almost a minute until settling in, her head lying directly over his heart. Desperately hoping that she could not hear it traitorously pounding away, Caleb placed a small, tentative kiss on her forehead.

“Gute Nacht,” he whispered, “Good night, blueberry.”

**Author's Note:**

> Well, there it is! I hope you enjoyed! If you did, please leave a kudos/comment/bookmark so I know! A huge reason why I’ve been able to keep making these happen is because I’ve received so much wonderful feedback that’s kept me motivated!


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